An Unexpected After Taste

After going through an entire bag of quinoa flour, I can tell you one thing: I am not a fan. As far as flours go, it boasts a pretty impressive nutritional profile, but there is an after taste. I suspected as much in my Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins, but agave nectar, maple syrup, and chocolate chips did a good enough job of hiding it. And although I have read that quinoa can be used to completely replace all- purpose flour, listen to me- don't do it. It won't work like you (might) think it will.

Those tortillas? While they're certainly healthy for you, they ended up as thick, dense, doughy (which sounds good to me, but wait for it), sour cream-y tasting pancakes. The dough was sticky, and while I could have added some whole wheat flour to help the tortilla process along, I wanted to know if a wheat-free version would work.

This one didn't.

However, that didn't stop me from trying to eat them anyway. I tried them with my latest favorite concoction (greek yogurt, pumpkin puree, and real maple syrup)...Nope. I threw my tortilla pancake away after 2 bites. (I knew it was gross after the first taste, but I was hoping that enough pumpkin dip would help me out.) Later on, I tried heating some up, and smearing them with peanut butter. The heat pretty much hid the aftertaste, and I was left with an acceptable vehicle for one of my favorite spreads.

I am not giving up on homemade tortillas. Or that recipe (I know it works; I've tasted homemade tortillas made by Kristen herself!). Just one particular variety of flour.And those tortilla pancakes, although not satisfying for my taste buds, led to something a whole lot more satisfying than delicious and healthy food. (I know! Can you believe I just wrote that?!) My original tortilla-related post led my dear friend, Kristen, to Raw Motherhood (the author of which is another adored Kristen in my life) where she read this:

"...maybe it doesn’t have to be a battle. instead, maybe this struggle can be an opportunity to worship my Creator. a choice i can make many, many times throughout the day. over and over. 'i choose you,' i can say. when i’m tired or frustrated or haven’t seen an adult face for 8 hours. maybe i can let my Father into the deepest parts of my being that are longing to be filled.  and while i fill this deep void with worship of God, i can fill my stomach with food that i enjoy."

And then she- the Kristen doing the reading of the Kristen doing the writing- said to me (and I'm passing this on to you with permission), "Lately I've been hard on myself for not allowing the Lord to fill my void.  As if that were a one-time occurrence.  As a fellow slow learner, I hadn't considered that this may be a choice I have to make over and over again.  Instead, I thought that the Lord should fulfill me and that was that.  No, silly Kristen.  You'll feel empty again.  That nagging void will reappear.  And at first this was disheartening.  But then?  I thought about how it means I get to experience the filling part over and over again.  How I can choose to rejoice in a Creator that lovingly responds to me without limit.  As many times a day, hour, moment I need Him.  I think I'll work on saying, "I choose You" this week."

And lots inside of me clicked. I'm a slow learner, without a doubt. I'd read that excerpt from Raw Motherhood before. I'd commented on it. But sometimes when I say something, it's because I know it in my head. Sometimes it takes my heart much longer to digest.

I've been struggling quite a bit lately. There is more to the story, of course, but part of it is that I so easily forget to allow myself to be filled. Allow. I don't do it myself, but the filling is there, waiting to happen, when I stop looking for distraction, when I sit and listen, when I plug into the resources that are just waiting for me. Sometimes the filling looks different every day, but if I am going to live, thrive, and give myself away in this world, I have to continue getting filled up. If I neglect the filling, I will wither (in my heart and my mind) until I feel barely alive. I know this to be true. But if I don't? I am full of life. And THAT is the me that I like to have around.