I have a lot to learn.
Yesterday, after reading Love's post, you know what I thought? I thought that little girl still lives in my heart, but also? I don't think I could do one of those parties.
I'm telling you, I have big dreams, but also big doubts.
I posted Love's idea on my Facebook page, not even saying I'd be having my own party. But friends chimed in, saying they wanted to attend the party. Before I posted here. Before I invited anyone (which hasn't actually happened yet- I'm hoping to have details posted by this evening because I'm off to Pittsburgh for the weekend tomorrow morning). Before I'd fully stepped out of my chicken suit. My dear sister wanted to co-host to make the party even bigger. Another friend wanted to attend and also host her own. It's overwhelming, in the very best way (every time someone expresses interest in being involved, by heart swells and my eyes well up with tears...and I wonder if this is my niche?)
Did she know? Did all those people know...that I was scared, that I needed a kick in the butt, some assurance, an injection of confidence?
You know what scares me the most about doing stuff like this? I can't do it alone. I have to ask for help, and my, how I don't like asking for "favors." However, I'm finding that working together to do something big is part of the beauty of this whole adoption thing. It requires humility and faith, both of which I could use a lot more of.
Especially if I believe in community like I say I do.
Especially if adoption is going to keep taking up so much of my heart like it is.