I'm not quite sure where I got the idea that most things in life should be neat, clear-cut, and compartmentalized.
Maybe because that would make life easier?
Maybe because I'm having a hard time sleeping lately, which knocks my reasoning skills down several levels?
Whatever it is, I know (but often try to ignore) that life is a process. Maybe it sounds trite, but it's beautiful. I'll see that if I stop my annoyance with not knowing answers, with not finding an elusive perfection.
Maybe I'll remember that if I'm really honest with myself about who I am and what's important. If I keep practicing living in the middle of discomfort (which can look like so many things), sitting with it, not focusing on the next moment, but instead breathing, living through this one.
I've been doing some practicing. I've been following up with what I said in My Best "Best" post. I've been realizing- I mean really realizing, not just taking in the words, but following through with actions- that living out my current best doesn't have to look fancy. It doesn't have to carry labels. It doesn't have to impress anybody. But it does have to be more than thoughts in the mind and words on a page and in the air.
It has to have feet, hands, skin.
On Sunday morning, after attempting to get back to sleep for an hour-and-a-half, the quiet of the beginning of the day called me downstairs. Just a few remnants of the previous evening's party remained, calling back ghosts of one of my great loves- shared food, laughter-and-conversation-filled rooms, stories, dirty plates, cups, people everywhere.
After all the frustration, struggling, tears, disappointment, and questions of the last several months, I still don't have a job title or any title that I can dole out to explain to people exactly what it is that I do.
But I know a richness that I think I would not have known without those struggles.
I have an appreciation for life that comes with acting on the things that resonate with who I am.
I have quiet mornings that allow me soak up those ghosts of the sights, sounds, and smells that add so much fullness to my life.
And I have a long list of thanks to give-starting with the one who made me- for the return of my formerly buried love of life.
Thanks to those who play or played some small or large part in my own journey of life.
I'm linking up with Heather of