(In)Security

I've been falling into insecurity way too often lately.

It's gotten pretty annoying, but I haven't been able to shake it.

I've been picking apart unimportant things- my hair, my "mom belly," my outfits...and feeling excessively bothered with them when they aren't "good enough."

I've been complaining, thinking that talking it out would help me sort out what's been going on with me.

No luck with that, but I did probably manage to annoy a few people.

Normally, I just do the best I can with what I have (my personal motto and the motto for my Social Eater project). If I'm having a bad hair day or I "should have" chosen a different pair of shoes, I try to acknowledge it and move on.

I'm able to do that because I find my security and validation elsewhere. I believe that I- as a person, as a story, as a series of events and thoughts and changes- am part of something bigger, more important. I believe the "more important" is not about me but also that I was created deliberately and meant to fit in to make the picture more beautiful.

I like that the purpose of life isn't me because I change (my mind, my tastes, my path...) quite often. I need my security and my foundation to be something that doesn't change, and I believe that unchanging "something" is the one who created me. Even though I don't understand it all. Even though I have a lot of questions (a friend recently reminded me that my creator doesn't mind questions; he can handle them). Even though the things I don't understand sometimes leave me frustrated or feeling unintelligent.

Sometimes I forget where my security comes from.

I think I need to prove myself.

I think I need to earn validation.

I think I need to be good enough.

But I don't.

All of those thoughts just weigh me down and distract and take away from the life I have an opportunity to live.

I am genuinely curious- where do you get your security?