Something New
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I tried out my first Bikram yoga class last night.
I was nervous.
The room is heated to around 105 degrees and around 40% humidity. I mean, what's appealling about that?
But I love yoga and I don't have a lot of money, so when a deal for 10 classes for $30 popped up on Groupon, I had to take it. I had to, you know?
So, I spent time yesterday googling what to wear and what to eat and what to expect. I packed 2 towels and a quart of water and tried to hydrate well throughout the day. (Ok, part of my hydration included 3 cups of coffee.)
And then I showed up.
Early, because it was my first time and I had to register.
Also because the website specifically states that doors will be locked at the posted class time.
Um, I tend to be late for most classes.
I get distracted at home.
I start talking with someone in the lobby.
And then class has already started, and I'm sneaking in, trying to get myself set up quietly and get into that peaceful state that everyone else seems to be in...but quickly.
That was just not a possibility last night.
So, I arrived about 15 minutes early, got unpacked, took one of the last spots in the room, and lucked out- I was between two very friendly ladies who helped me feel comfortable (in the 105-degree room).
And then it was time.
90 minutes of stretching, pulling, strength.
I approached it like I've been approaching so many experiences lately- one moment at a time. (I like yoga classes best when I focus on doing this.)
The time flew.
I was full of energy after I recovered.
Today, I feel fabulous. Running low on sleep (maybe I'll try an earlier class next time?), but really great.
And so glad that Groupon suckered me into trying something new.
Have you tried anything new recently? What was your experience?
Courage Project: An Update
Last Saturday was the first time I held "work hours" for this first project on my agenda.
I'm finding out that "courage" has been necessary only to get started. From there? I feel like I can't be stopped. I feel like "I can do this." I feel like I'm on a mission, and it's right, and I feel completely passionate about it.
The more research I do, the more I think I'll focus mainly on the fair trade end of things.
Because there are child slaves involved in the non fair trade end of things.
And while I think the welfare of ALL small farmers is important, I've always been motherly (maybe from birth?). Right now, I feel like a mama bear, ready to do whatever it takes to rescue "her" babies.
Whatever it takes.
I get that I can't change it all on my own
but that's not going to stop me from doing what I can.
I get that there is SO MUCH wrong with the world, and it's overwhelming, and sometimes we can feel ourselves shutting down, waving it all away, closing our eyes because it's just too much to handle.
Also? We're comfortable with the way we've been doing things.
That's part of how I want to get involved. I want to make good, slave-free choices easier, more accessible for the busy, overwhelmed consumer. I'll do the research and lay it out, share my journey, and hopefully make not supporting slavery practices more natural than supporting them. (For a real eye-opener, check out Slavery Footprint.)
I'm still working on getting the new site up (the real hold-up is the name. I mean, really, Nolan was almost born before he had a name).
In the meantime, here are some slave-free ideas for Valentine's Day this year:
Divine Chocolate Dark Chocolate Hearts, White Chocolate and Strawberry Hearts, and Milk Chocolate Hearts
Equal Exchange My Fair Valentines (If we come in contact between the time I receive these and the time I run out, you'll be getting one of these from me!)
Theo Chocolate Gift Sets
20 Questions
If you're coming here from Janetha's blog, welcome!
If you're coming here from anywhere else, welcome 
.
This is my personal blog (although I plan to publish a more topical one soon). It's my outlet and place to process life.
I love that the internet affords the ability to exchange ideas and share stories between readers and writers. So I encourage you- if you feel inclined to share your thoughts on something you read here, leave a comment!
Because I know this may be one of your first times coming across my posts, I'm thinking it might be appropriate to play along with one of the surveys I've seen circulating through the blogosphere recently: 20 Questions.
Here we go!
1. What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday?
I love it if I can start my day with a yoga class.
2. Name your top 3 favorite TV shows.
Right now:
- Parenthood
- Up All Night
- Lie to Me
3. Would you rather be in pictures or take them?
Be in them. But only because I feel like I stink at picture-taking.
4. Why do you blog?
I love the written word. Writing is cathartic for me. I'm also in love with story. I'm a big fan of reading, writing, sharing, and interacting over story.
5. Share 5 websites you visit regularly.
- Gmail
- Google Reader
- Swagbucks
6. If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list, who would it be?
Love! She inspires me so much- specifically in the areas of motherhood, adoption, and big-heartedness.
7. List a few of your favorite snacks. 
- banana soft serve with vanilla, peanut butter, cocoa powder, and sometimes protein powder mixed in
- mug cakes
- apples
8. Do you have a pet? If so, what kind?
Yup! One formerly stray cat.
9. Which 3 material possessions would you struggle to live without?
- a pen and notebook (that can count as one, right?)
- lip balm
- computer
10. What's your favorite drink?
I drink a lot of water. Other than that, my favorites are coffee, Zevia, wine, and my own healthed-up hot chocolate.
11. Do you enjoy cooking?
I do, especially if I have plenty of time to do it. Cooking is therapy for me.
12. Do you have children? 
One! Nolan joined the family just 2 1/2 months ago. I'm absolutely smitten.
13. What are your favorite hobbies?
- yoga
- writing
- cooking
- playing with my son
14. Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing?
I'm naturally shy...but I'm getting more and more outgoing as I get older.
15. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
I would want to be less inclined to worry, stress, and dwell.
16. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
I'm not sure I have one? Although I do get pretty excited about anything the Deschanel sisters are involved in.
17. What's the coolest thing you've done this week?
Hm. Well, life with a baby is pretty fascinating most days. So, there's that. Also, I got started on one of my big projects last Saturday! I wasn't able to work on it outside of the house due to snow, but I dressed up like I was, and the whole experience was fabulous.
18. Do you live near your family or far from them?
Most of Tim (my husband)'s family lives close by, as do my parents. The rest of my relatives live at least 2 1/2 hours away, including my siblings, who live a lot further away than that.
19. List 3 of your talents.
- getting people together (although this hasn't really happened since before Nolan was born!)
- I *think* I can be pretty empathetic
- really enjoying life
20. What is your greatest attribute?
You know, I find questions like this one and #19 difficult to answer. It is not that I don't think I have talents or attributes worth mentioning, but I live with myself, you know? Although I have come to like myself, I'm not that impressed on a day-to-day basis.
However, after some discussion with the hubs (I don't usually say things like "hubs" out loud, but I was thinking it, so I wrote it), I do think my greatest attribute might be my inherent desire for everyone, everywhere to be taken care of.
With all of that said, please choose a question or several and share your answers. I'd love to get to know you better!
Courage: Project 1
This is my personal blog.
You may have figured that one out 
.
I've made feeble attempts at streamlining it. I mean, it'd be nice to have a blog that had a clear purpose for readers, but...I thrive off of the written word, so this little blog? It's the spillover of my life, of my heart. It's an outlet for anything I feel the need or desire to write about. It's a means of exchanging ideas with those who choose to read and comment. It's a bit of a mess. Kind of like me.
However. Things are changing around here.
I've decided to commit 2012 to pursuing one of my growing passions: small farmers.
I know. It sounds...well, small, doesn't it?
But here's the thing.
Smaller, local farms tend to produce products that are healthier all around. (Think sustainability and your own physical health.) They also tend to be the farmers that are more susceptible to being taken advantage of or pushed around by the larger corporations.
Those things that can't be purchased locally (things like tea, coffee, sugar, and chocolate) I believe can and should be purchased from small, fair trade cooperatives. There are lots of reasons for this, which I plan to outline in the (hopefully near!) future, but some of them include susceptibility to being taken advantage of and really how much better the products are for you.
See a trend?
It's fun to root for the underdogs...especially when it actually benefits me to do so.
However.
I know the deal. I know sometimes we all just want to go out for coffee with a friend, grab a chocolate bar, stop in for a donut, make a grocery trip or go out to eat without devoting lots of time to researching the best options out there.
That's where I come in. I mean, that's part of my goal. I'm going to dedicate time this year to showing where, why, and how to make the best choices for you, the environment, and the farmers. Some of this will be partial to my area (Reading, PA) because as "famous" as Reading is (ahem, for being poor), we just don't have the same resources for making easy decisions about these kinds of things as larger cities do. Some of this will be cost-benefit analysis between fair trade and more mainstream products. Some of it will be interviews I've been able to have with business owners.
The goal is to make small farmer support more easily accessible to everyone.
But while I will probably write about some of that here (after all, this is my spillover of life and interests), this blog will continue to be my personal, anything-goes blog.
I plan to publish a second blog for this year's project.
Now, to come up with a title. Any suggestions?
Why I’m Not Weighing Myself
There are a lot of Body After Baby posts out there.
A lot.
It's great, really. Happy, healthy mama makes for happy, healthy kids. I really enjoy reading those posts. I find them encouraging and inspiring more often than not.
But you won't find one of those posts here.
The main reason is I can't.
I can't pursue the same goals you'll find in those posts and stick to my "healthy, happy" goals.
I know because I was pursuing them. I was weighing in with a specific number in mind. A number, I might add, that is quite healthy for my body.
I knew that it might take me some time to reach that number. Months, maybe a year.
But then my thoughts kind of got taken over. If I didn't lose weight between weigh-ins, I was discouraged, despite all the good, healthy choices I'd been making.
When I was feeling particularly overwhelmed, my thoughts became, "who cares about the number? I want comfort eating NOW."
I was fitting back into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes and feeling good about it, but that number? It wasn't low enough. I was convinced that I shouldn't be able to wear those clothes at my weight. Parade dampened.
So.
I made a decision.
Me and the scale? We're taking break. We need our space and we're not sure when we might get back together.
Now I'm working out with other goals in mind.
Strength. For me, there's a certain pride I feel in feeling strong. I have fond memories of cleaning out a storage facility with mostly guys. Those guys would ask me if I needed help with boxes that looked particularly heavy, and the thing is, I really didn't. I was lifting regularly, I was capable of participating in activities that required strength, and I was proud of that. I wouldn't mind feeling like that again.
Quality of life. I believe that spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental health are tied together. If one is improved, it is likely the others are, as well. If one suffers, the other aspects suffer. I want to squeeze every sweet drop out of life, and that means being prepared and doing what I can to have the energy and ability to take on opportunities as they come up.
Comfort in my own skin. If I pay attention to the above aspects and wear clothes that fit me well, this particular goal falls in place quite easily.
Right now, those things are more important to me than a particular number of pounds on my frame.
And since I don't have the ability to do both...
Well, I know the scale will be waiting for me should I choose to return.
Related posts that resonated with me:
The Year I Stopped Chasing Skinny
A New Tool: The Zero Scale (Part of this post is a product endorsement. I have no plans or desire to purchase said product, but I appreciate the ideas and thoughts presented.)
Last Week
I wrote a bit about Tim being busy, not having a car, etc. in my last post. That very same night, he came home, took over baby duties for a few hours, and told me to go find a way to relax. SUCH a blessing- Nolan had been cranky for nearly the whole day, and I was exhausted.
My way to relax? I stuffed my face with as much sugar and fat as I could handle and took a bath.
I confessed my emotional eating to my husband, who did nothing but encourage me. And with that- although we did have some rough spots and sleep deprivation-memories of the past 5 days are nothing but sweet.
I mean sweet. I feel like I'm just oozing with happiness and excitement kind of sweet. I feel like I should issue a warning if you're reading this and just not awake yet kind of sweet.
It might be the coffee I'm drinking or the hormones raging through my body or the baby who woke up in a good mood after sleeping in his own bed last night.
Other possible reasons:
Family
I've always been a family girl, but can I just say how lucky I feel to have married a man whose extended family live nearby? Some of them have become treasured friends of mine, and I love it when I am able to get time with them during the week.
Also? There are some family members (ahem- Mom, Dad, Mary Ellen, and Steph) who act like I am doing them a favor when they come over to hang out with both of us or watch him while I go out. That just does so much good for me (and Nolan) in so many ways.
Fitness
Right now, I'm working out for quality of life, strength, and comfort in my own skin. For me, that's much more motivating than any particular number). With some help with Nolan while I worked out, I was able to complete yoga every day with the exception of Friday (including one studio class that left me feeling fantastic), three 30 Day Shred workouts, and a walk around the neighborhood on the one day it wasn't too cold or rainy for him.
I feel good. I really believe that physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health are all tied together.
Courage
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My "word of the year" is so fitting as things are continuing to change- in exciting and scary ways!- around here. Not quite at the point where I can write about them publicly, but soon?
There is more to list, but while my I have a sleeping baby next to me, I want to go catch up with your posts and emails! A cup of coffee, a full heart, a happy baby,and catching up with friends- I'm soaking up every drop of this Sunday morning.
I hope you are, too.
Hello, Monday
Nolan is two months old, as of yesterday.
The day before that, Tim and I celebrated our 5th anniversary with massages and dinner out, while my parents watched Nolan.
It felt a little strange to leave him, but it was good. Good in the way that Tim and I need time together when it's just us. We got that, and it was wonderful, and then we were so excited to pick our little boy up and spend the time as the three of us.
Today brings the second week of the new year. To celebrate, Nolan seemed particular cranky and clingy, but I was rewarded with plenty of coos and smiles (which of course, turned this mama's heart into mush).
When I look for it, I find that the challenging moments are often followed or preceded by moments that energize and propel me forward.
And so I say, Hello, Monday. I'm ready to go.
Tim has lots of classwork to complete this week, so the mommy breaks he gives me might be in short supply...
..but Yoga Journal's 21-Day Challenge starts up today. I squeezed my practice in during one of Nolan's mini-naps. I think it just may have helped kept me calmed while I worked to keep Nolan calm!
We're running low on groceries...
...but I find a kind of satisfaction in cleaning out my cupboards and needing to me creative with my meals.
...also, I may be going to one of my favorite spots for good deals on local and organic food
....after I print out all the appropriate coupons. (Oh, yeah, along with loving to clean out the cupboards, I also get my kicks from clipping coupons. There are so quality coupons to be had!)
I have one yoga class left before my card at my favorite yoga studio is used up...
...but I landed a great deal on yoga classes at a new studio in town. $30 for 10 classes! I'm looking forward to trying it out!
I may not be able to get out much this week (Tim and I are sharing a car, and he will be busy this week)...
...but the weather forecast looks gorgeous, and I plan to take Nolan out for a walk on every day I deem "warm enough." (Right now, tomorrow and Wednesday are looking good.)
What about you? I'd love to hear about what you're expecting this week if you want to share!
(I'm linking up with Lisa Leonard for Hello, Monday.)
21 Day Challenge
Yoga Journal is hosting a 21 Day Yoga Challenge. While I'm kind of digging the walking, 30 Day Shred workouts, and 1 yoga class a week groove I've got going on (can you call sticking to the plan for 6 days so far a "groove"?), I'm wondering if a little extra yoga in my life might be a good idea.
I credit yoga as a catalyst for a lot of the positive changes I've seen in how I look at the world.
It might help my body and mind stay relaxed, which is what I need when I'm on call for Nolan nearly 24/7.
So more yoga is a good thing for me.
I'm going to try it.
Yoga every day for 21 days.
Anyone want to join me?
Click here to sign up. The challenge starts on Monday!
How to Be Married for 5 Years and Love It
I have been married to my best friend for 5 years today.
I'm not planning on writing a mushy post to go along with my anniversary (but my posts often end up quite different than how I planned them to be, so no promises), but I will say that it's true what you hear about communication being really, really, REALLY important to a quality relationship.
I will also say that a major reason why I think I can say this from experience is Tim.
Communication is not my strong suit.
I mean, yes, I do like to write (ahem, I love to write), but that in-person, super-honest stuff? It's hard. It's awkward sometimes and it requires boldness. (It's scary.)
But over the years, I have learned- through conversation, experience, and observation- how to be more honest. The kind of honest that deepens relationships and sometimes sounds awkward coming out of my mouth; the kind that requires courage (there's that word again!) once in a while.
Let me tell you.
Communication sounds simple,
but it is so not.
Think about it.
We have all these words (and oh, how I love words!), but you know there are times when, even amongst all of them, you can't find the right ones to express what you'd like to say.
You know there are times when you're saying one thing and someone else is hearing another
due to differing perceptions and experiences
with the same words.
It's hard work.
Work which has (mostly) turned in to joy and reward
thanks to the persistence of one man.
I mean it. Many, many thanks to Timothy Koller.
He has made and continues to help me become a better person and is my perfect partner in this adventure called life.
Ok, there's the mush.
(Like I said, no promises.)
Courage
My head is swimming.
This is partially because I've been awake since just before 4 am
and partially because last night, my husband gave me the push I need(ed) to pursue my passions.
Where to begin?
Sometimes life just seems a little too coincidental to me. Several days ago, I was reminded of the "word of the year" idea. I thought about it for a bit, then dismissed it. Not my thing, I determined.
And then it came.
Courage.
Courage? Courage for what?
Just two days ago, I read a post that had me thinking about taking risks, about doing things that set me on fire, about living in a way that lets my son know he can do nearly anything he really wants to do..I want him to learn that through my actions, not just my words.
Normally, when I think about what I want to do with my life, you know, when I grow up, I'm not quite sure.
I love...
...tutoring. And I see a big need for it in another love of mine...
...Reading, PA.
...yoga. The catalyst to falling for so much of what has become important to me within the last few years.
...writing.
...food.
...family.
...fair trade.
But then I'm given the green light to pursue what I want to pursue (not even a green light, really. More like the gas I need to get where I'm going plus a big push for good measure), and I can see where much of what I love and who I am can come together...
with some work and some failure.
That's where the courage part comes in. I have already had discouraging thoughts about this. Discouraging thoughts since last night, even amid all the excitement that comes with so much hope and possibility.
I'm an ideas girl, people. I'm good at planning and brainstorming, but the follow-through? It only seems to happen when I have no other option. Times like weddings and birthday parties.
I've started many more projects than I've finished.
This will be more like a pursuit than a project, but the thought of past shortcomings is daunting. Crippling, if I let it.
So.
Courage it is.
Courage to dream up big ideas and take risks despite the possibility of failure.
Courage to let go of that fear and change my definition of failure.
Welcome, 2012.
This post is part of the Just Write link-up, a weekly exercise in free writing ordinary and extra-ordinary moments.
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